There’s Always That One

It does not matter what you do or what you say—by golly, just as soon as you think there will not be one, there is always one.

That one person that must come to a stop to pull in a parking lot.

That one person that walks slowly and the walkway is so small you cannot pass without looking rude.

That one person that still uses a checkbook and pulls it out just after you filled the conveyor belt full of your items—when you could have loaded them back in the buggy and checked them out yourself faster than that.

That one person at the viewing of a funeral that’s voice is so loud that everyone cannot help but hear every word they have to say.

That one person that brags about how good they are at hitting a target, and you cannot help but wonder, what target?

That one person that wants to tell you all the details of their life when you are trying to listen to the conversation next to you, that you were part of until that one walked up.

That one person that lingers and lingers. And lingers.

That one person that obeys the speed limit, and they are in the left-hand lane beside the other one that obeys the limit. (Okay, there’s two at one time!)

That one person that will not speak, no matter how hard you try to be friendly.

And every now and then, there is that one person who comments on something you said and somehow manages to miss the whole point.

Whether this happens face-to-face or on social media, you understand. Trust me when I say there is always at least one person shaking their head when they hear or read the comment. If it happens online, there is probably one person who wants to comment below it, so they type it out and then erase it. Type and erase. Thank God. Then there is that one person who must call somebody and ask if they saw the comment. The list could go on, but as I sit here and type this out, I am honestly glad I started it. Somewhere between the laughter and the aggravation, I began to see something I did not expect to see.

After considering this for some time, I wanted to share my thoughts and risk the backlash, the smart comment, or even a good laugh. Maybe there is even one person who needs to read it. Maybe that one person is me.

The typical thing to say right here for the believer is that we are living in a fallen world. While that is true, it does not explain everything on this list of things that so easily unnerve me—or maybe even you. But it does point to something deeper about that one person in each situation. And if I am honest, it points to something deeper in me too.

Typically, there is a root matter, if you will. Maybe they are moving slowly because they are older, hurting, overwhelmed, distracted, learning, grieving, anxious, or simply doing the best they know how to do. Maybe no one ever taught them differently. Maybe there is a story behind their pace, their words, their silence, or their timing that I cannot see.

And then comes the part I do not enjoy admitting, there have been times when I was that one person. In what instances, I do not always know; and the ones I do know, I do not much want to admit. That realization stings, because it is much easier to recognize irritation in somebody else than it is to recognize offense in me.

Offense happens more often than one might think.

Getting offended is more than just matters of color, race, or creed. Heck, I could write a chapter on offenses concerning people’s habits, opinions, choices, values, and morals. A book!

What is the definition of OFFENSE? Well, it is not just related to a football game. When I looked up the definition, Holy Spirit hit me with conviction. To put it simply, offense can mean feeling hurt, upset, resentful, insulted, annoyed, embarrassed, frustrated, or worried because something made us feel wronged or disregarded. And what gets under one person’s skin, another person might never even notice. That was the part that got quiet in me.

Could we not just stop right there and meditate, ponder, or sit down for a while?

How long can you go without feeling annoyed, frustrated, or worried? Well, let us just call worried concerned, and that will help if anyone thinks they did not have to put a check mark beside worry.

It has been a little over a year since I came to the reality that this was a huge deal for me. To be honest, I did not even know the full weight of the word offense. Perhaps if I explain why, you might learn something about yourself as well. While sharing with my best friend that a family member was let down and hurt because no one walked over and spoke to them, she replied, “Oh honey, they must have gotten offended.” Call me dumb, ignorant, or someone will call me stupid, there’s always one! But I had called their response hurt. To be honest, I have felt that sting before too.

When I got in my car that day, I pulled out my iPhone and looked up the definition just to be precise about what it meant. It had seemed like such a harsh word for something that felt simple and normal, something that could easily happen to anybody, including me.

As I sat there reading line after line, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh, because Holy Spirit had me nailed; cry, because of how badly the nail hurt. I knew the family member in question had issues sometimes, but in that moment I realized how little I had understood my own, especially surrounding this topic.

It was on that very day that I had already had my own experience with offense. But the way I described it was that someone hurt my feelings. Although time has passed since that experience, it has been teaching me about people, about me, and a whole lot about grace.

It can be so hard not to take things personally, especially when the hurt feels justified.

Yet, I am so thankful that the Lord is gracious enough to point this sin out to me so we can work on it together. One might think sharing this was a mistake because now the enemy will know where to hit me, but the truth is there will always be that one person who says something wrong, misunderstands, interrupts, delays, or simply gets under my skin. And maybe that one person is not just an irritation. Maybe that one person is a mirror God uses to show me what still needs grace in me. I can hold the offense, or I can release it. I can rehearse irritation, or I can remember mercy. Because the truth is, I have been that one too. And if the Lord keeps covering me with grace, who am I to withhold it from someone else?

Selah…..