Have you ever heard of the fight or flight response?
If I were to base my past weekend on a title it would be that, or even a song called Wherever You Lead sung by Kristine DiMarco. Then again, for the first time I also heard Abide sung by Aaron Williams. Both grabbed my gut and took me somewhere, but the fight or fight response spoke greatly about the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness.
Don’t let either song title immediately fool you into thinking that I would have been confessing I was following His lead, or abiding, for that matter. It was not until I was surrendered that I heard those songs for the first time on June 24, 2024. Timing! Dates are so important.
In your walk of faith, have you ever thought that you had arrived? Not like you are probably thinking, no, I am talking about when you are so close that you feel His presence with you everywhere you go. I thought that meant I was great, but then again, everything fell in place that actually proved the exact opposite. Just when you think all is well with your soul, right.
On this particular Saturday morning I finished some yard work and came inside to begin getting ready for a party. Very seldom does my husband Lee make special plans, but this was something that he was excited about because it would be our first time experiencing a quinceanera.
I began looking through my dresses to conclude that I had none to match my shoes that actually fit well. I googled how others dressed for this occasion so I could see what blouse and pants I should wear. I would say this was my first mistake, but it would later prove to me that this was an issue I was having before google ever existed.
The young girls and young adult women in those photographs were extravagantly beautiful. Those two words tied together should say it all without me spelling it out. I am not sure what happened first, but it was a side effect of an emotional meltdown: nervousness, sweating, fear, nausea, lack of oxygen, immediate headache, dread, panic, oh, and crying uncontrollably. Well, you get the picture. I had three hours to be ready and somewhere in discovering that I was minus a toenail and my rub on tan had been rubbed off during the extra washing of my feet. Let’s just say, I was no longer the salt of the earth. Perhaps Lee has a better description, but my goodness, was he the epitome of scripture that describes love in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. All the while, I was still being bombarded in my mind with voices from the past that yelled ugly insults and lies.
After a long hug joined with taking deep breaths, a lot of snot and tears, my husband reassured me that he was not angry, but he was also adamant that it would not be good for us to go considering the pressure I was under. (Hence to spare him embarrassment should I break down in public.) In all of this I was so disappointed because I was sure my anxieties had forever been conquered, at least on that level.
Later that evening I went to be alone with the Lord. After I cried out to Him in sorrow for knowing how disappointed Lee must have been and knowing he was the one that would have to face the sweet lady and explain why were not present for this special occasion, I also finished up the self pity prayer, along with reminding God of all the things I thought I wasn’t, all the things I lacked, and what all the voices were saying in my head (aka arrows shooting and oh, making it all about me), He gently asked me “What do I say about you?” and somewhere in being presented with that question and gladly accepting the chastening of the Lord, He was so kind as to remind me that His concern was my heart condition and that had nothing to do with my outer appearance. You know how it goes when the moment arises that you realize you had not truly repented, and you were only complaining. (Selah)
Shortly after the true confession of my sins I had been sweetly enlightened to what happened that started the web of defeat. Comparison is a cruel demon that will quietly visit you if you let it. The reality is that comparing yourself to others will slap you in the face real quick, and take you to a whole different atmosphere. I have since discovered that we can either stay under that thick blanket of heaviness and allow that stronghold to defeat our every minute or we can take hold of our place IN HIM that is made available from the inside out. The crazy thing about either of these two vast spectrums is simply this: It is a choice. Which one will you give space, and if you are riding the waves, sadly, they can hit you from second to second and leave you beat up on the shore line. Just ask James. (If you know, you know.)
The next day, I rose up before the sun did, and with such an expectation to go to church, and although that is normal for me, there was a sense of something different about it. I felt bathed in His goodness and in His mercies. What do I mean? It happened after I read, Galatians 6:4-5 “Let everyone be devoted to fulfill the work God has given them to do with excellence, and their joy will be in doing what’s right and being themselves, and not in being affirmed by others. Every believer is ultimately responsible for his or her own conscience.” (TPT) (Selah)
Followed up by the entire chapter of Romans 8. That slapped me silly in a good and much needed way, especially to consider the thought of being motivated to pursue spiritual realities instead of what I was pursuing just twelve hours prior (in the flesh).
My mind was so peaceful after being refreshed in truth.
This incident that corrected me, had also proved just how quickly you can lose focus on what really matters. The chance to meet people that my husband speaks so highly of and not to mention being the opportunity to be placed where God could have used me in some way, even if it was small. However, I knew that I did not want to stay married to yesterday so I continued forward and purposed to stay refreshed in the word of the Lord.
If you have a heart, I tell you what, while in church I was able to listen to a bunch of teenagers give testimony to the goodness of God, then you will also not want it to end. They had my faith soaring to a level that my spirit was desperate for. I could have stayed there until all of them took however long they needed and absorb all that the Lord had been doing at East Coast Camp and in their midst! It was certainly reigning in mine at the time! Reflection on what the Lord has done or is doing, can take you to a sweet new beginning or even to an end of something that needs to come to a close.
After the service was over, I drove to the grocery store and when me and my granddaughter were buckling the seat belts to leave, she noticed the trunk failed to shut. I tried using the inside button, and that did not work so I proceeded to get out and walk to the back of the car to shut it using that button, but by the time I got back in my seat, the same thing happened again, and again. Somewhere in all of this, I was hearing loud yells, and even though it was happening right in the parking space directly in front of me, I was obviously not paying close attention to my surroundings. My mission was more about getting home to tend to my hangry needs, but that was no longer the case once I witnessed what was taking place.
There was a young man that was probably in his mid-thirties that had obviously collapsed straight down as he appeared to be sitting in the Indian style position. He was completely slumped over forward and laying on the right side of his face. The other men that were with him were yelling “Hey buddy, hey buddy”, and after watching them raise the top half of his lifeless body up by grabbing his hair, and shoulder, one of them slapped him on the face a few times. You could never convince me that this man was not dead. I know what I saw and he was as gone as gone could be! I began taking a fast pace towards this situation that was around twelve feet in front of me, and prepared to offer assistance in any way possible. Just before I reached them, it was as if I hit (or ran into) a wall. If you have ever experienced this, then you know what I am talking about. (if you don’t, then just imagine running into a glass door that is so clean you don’t even see it. Bam! However, it was not until four days later that the Holy Spirit revealed what that wall actually was and if I searched through my journals, I could recall a few of these occasions that took place over the years. Before finishing my testimony, I will share the revelation God gave to me about it.
My first words to address this situation was “Oh Lord”, and then, I asked if they had called an ambulance. The two men that were obviously construction workers, were very adamant that I did not call for help, which struck me as odd considering this situation. I thought maybe they knew something I was unaware of, but at the same time I knew something was extremely off about this whole picture. Then I recalled that invisible wall. (Mind you this is happening very fast, so as you read about this scene, it may seem like a lot of time was wasted, but that was not the case at all.)
There was also a lady standing with her passenger door opened, that was parked by me, and she shouted that she was getting help. As it later turned out, that would be her husband and an EMT that was in the store at the time. Meanwhile, I went to calling on the mighty hand of God and began declaring life and Jesus into this situation and I could not help but notice the way the man helping him looked up at me while trying to bring his friend back. Not in a bad way, but appreciative. Somewhere in the middle of me praying out loud, this man that I am convinced was dead as dead can be, he opened his eyes up like a scene from a scary movie and they were fixated directly on me.
Over the years, there has been some insane occurrences, and when you know – you know!
This was a very crucial moment for me. My granddaughter was with me, and there was a split second when I turned to make sure she was safe and there she was leaned over on the inside of my car, and solely fixated on everything that was taking place. I cannot lie while sharing this, I did take notice to see if I had a clear path to the door of my vehicle. I cannot fully describe everything that instantly took place, especially in my mind, but once I turned back around and looked into his eyes again, something happened on my end. Have you ever been in a moment where you felt like you were experiencing something terrifying or a near death experience (with you) that is about to take place, but you think you are right there, and you see moments of your past flash before you, this was that for me, except this was not a visual, but it was a sound that was taking place. The best way I know to describe it is to ask you to imagine sleeping in the heart of a forest or out in the sticks as we call it, and in the stillness of a quiet winter’s night, you are awakened by the loudness of a semi-truck on the highway that has accidentally ran over the rumble strips on the side of the road. Now multiply the loudness. You know how time stops when your in an emergency, well, this was that for me. Something was taking place. Once I shook it off (I was feeling each millisecond), and without even thinking about it, I began speaking in tongues. Well, this is that instance for some who may read this that may be having your own loud moment. Stay with me. Try to just think about how you may have reacted in a time of crises? This was that for me, so please do not focus on what you believe or don’t believe about tongues or what I should have done, just hear me out.
Mind you, I watched my mothers life (spirit) leave her body just a little over two years ago, and must say that it was a beautiful sight considering the state of her health, her age and the fact that she was going from glory to glory. I was with my brother when he passed this last November, and as bad as that hurt every fiber of my being, I held back what I really wanted to do in that very moment in the hospital room. I really wanted the pain in my heart to burst forth in hopes that it would reach where his spirit went so that he would know just how much I dearly loved him and would miss him, but I would have embarrassed my family so bad. I was secretly wailing on the inside and could not wait to be alone so that I could let it out. So speaking in tongues was something that was a huge deal for me in that parking lot surrounded by strangers, especially considering the surrender I had just made the night before. That included following the leading of the Holy Spirit in all His ways, and I dare say, whether you believe in the gift of tongues or not, I am fully convinced of what that boldness did in that moment for myself and especially for that young man.
Let’s just say that the eyes that were looking at me were so dark, that even my granddaughter seen it happening from the vehicle and said he looked like he wanted to kill me or somebody. This was not really this young man per say, but I thought the same things about that look on his face. It was unexplainable in the natural. Everything that was taking place was off the charts. As I have experienced this gift since the nineties, I know this much about it, that if you don’t want it, don’t worry, you won’t receive it, but please do not discount what took place in its entirety of what I witnessed.
After he glared at me for a few seconds, and his eyes rolled while the men were still holding up his upper body, and suddenly, he projectile vomited in my direction. After he released what looked like three gallons of something white, he fell back over and began wiping his face through his vomit just before standing straight up (with their assistance), and one guy opened the back door while the other man helped him climb up and onto the back seat of the truck. Then (Oh the timing), the off-duty paramedic arrived and the men that helped him in the truck basically shooed the paramedic away as if nothing had happened.
This was CRAZY!
Although I know something was not right with this picture, as the lady parked by me even said “He looked dead and what in the world?”. I was still thankful it turned out like it did. The next morning (Monday), I woke up before dawn as I had just dreamed about everything that took place and it all played back, but this time I could see deeper in the spiritual aspect of what happened. It was a set-up. (Mind you that I am not saying I think God caused all of that, but He knew in advance what was going to take place and he used it for His good in more ways than I will ever understand.)
After that, I began reflecting on some of my notes and scriptures from the previous weeks and months in a series called the Reigning Spirit at our church (Anchor Faith Church Valdosta, please look it up). If you haven’t heard all of those messages on Spotify, you really should consider it. Our pastor has been spreading out so much meat of the Word to feast on. The way I seen it, several of those messages were unfolding before my very eyes! The kingdom of heaven was not pulling out any stops and He has not stopped unveiling the spiritual realms ever since. (To be IN HIM – Ahh!)
The words from the Lord for me was “Flight or fight”, and in that particular order is how He dropped it in my spirit. Clarity had arrived. The day before this parking lot incident occurred, I had made the choice to take FLIGHT and join up with the powers of darkness. It began to take place when I was focusing on the outside (flesh). The moment I began listening to those voices that tend to visit me ever so often (to see if they can get a foothold again) had won in that case, so using these Flight or Fight words were exactly what I needed for a visual of what took place in the spiritual. Doesn’t everyone need some fresh insight? Especially when are steering off course!
Then came the other instance that the Holy Spirit wanted to show me a glimpse of what it came down to in that parking lot. When I turned to see if my granddaughter was in the car and to make sure I had a clear path. It was in this moment I had a choice to make and once I did, I realized that is when the sound came rushing in. Now the words were FIGHT OR FLIGHT were before me. No matter the look on that young mans face that displayed kill, or any demon from hell could try and come against, it was ON once I chose to pair up with the Kingdom of God and open my mouth with no shame and fight for life. That is when speaking in the tongues of an unknown (heavenly) language rolled out of me. There was such a glory-to-glory moment that I am without any doubt, will replay again for me one day on the other side, and I will be able to withstand the entire scene.
I was getting to see just a glimpse from a heavenly perspective in my dedicated alone time with my Lord, and it was proof that living from the INSIDE OUT WORKS!
I was standing on Holy ground in that parking lot, and Satan’s domain (in the unseen realm) had no choice but to flee. (James 4:7) I was so thankful that on Sunday morning before church, that I had once again surrendered to God.
When you are IN HIM, and in that secret place, vulnerable before the Lord, we can been reminded that you can become so undone (of yourself), that nothing happening in the natural can touch you. If you know; you know. If you don’t then let me invite you to hear what the Father of glory shared with me just four day after about “that wall”.
That wall was more than just spiritual. It was an angel. In fact there was more than one angelic beings surrounding this event in that parking lot. One of these heavenly beings was even causing my trunk to continue opening, so that I would not leave and miss it. This was nothing short of the divine encounter of the heavenly realm. Angels are real and so are demons, and we better hope that we are all ready for what we may encounter in the future because that was a wake-up call pertaining to Acts 19:15 “…. Jesus I know, and Paul I know, but who are you?” As Pastor Mark would say, “Demons may be powerful, but they do not stand a chance against the power of almighty God.” (Selah)
In these later days, I was also stirred to reflect back on something Pastor Mark had said, and I quote “We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience, but we are spiritual beings having a spiritual experience.” To be quite honest, that hit me sideways when he said it. To be even more honest, I even snickered and thought he was wrong. I put a star by it so that I would remember to do some digging and check out his statement. I knew that I did not want to bring it up to anyone else because I also did not want to look stupid as to be wrong either. However, I had forgotten all about that until this particular Monday on the 24th day of June, when the Holy Spirit wanted to bring it back to my attention and then my fingers did the walking through the pages. Strangely, I was led to Jeremiah chapter 1:5. At first, I thought why? Boy, oh boy, did God have something to say to me in this verse.
A few months prior I laughed in conversation with my dear friend Jan. You would have to understand, the setting of this discussion with her. When she shares her heart and speaks scripture (whether by memory or reading), it normally melts me with such peace because I recognize the heart and voice of God (in her), but we had just discussed this very verse.
I read it for the thousandth time, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” That is only part of the verse, and I say that because that is usually where I am known to stop. This time when pausing, it was different. I discovered that I had a deep-rooted issue with that verse. It pierced my soul in a way that really is unexplainable, but I must try.
The discovery was that I did not believe it. I laughed as if to say, “Are You serious?” well, God does not lie now does He? Suddenly, I was recalling that time in Jan’s living room again, almost as if I could see and hear every detail again.
After that, I remembered the snickering I did when the pastor said, “We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.” This was all beginning to flood my spirit as God had something to say about the matter.
I realized why I laughed that day at Jan’s and exactly what I said because my words were, “Don’t you really think that was just for Jeremiah?” her immediate response was loud and with a look of authority on her as she boldly began quoting those verses by heart and in its entirety and she placed “My name” in all the right places. (“Before I shaped Carole in the womb, I knew Carole intimately. I had divine plans for Carole before I gave her life, and set her apart and chose her to be mine. She is My prophetic gifts to the nations.”) She declared those words over me! I cannot say I laughed on this second occasion, but little did I know that the Holy Spirit would be wanting this to all unfold in His timing. This reminds me of something else that our pastor recently said, “How can you give away something that you don’t even have?” (Sometimes I think we fool ourselves or I know I do. I am guilty of believing for everyone but myself. ) Undone may not even be enough to describe the moment I was basking in as I read the Word of God, and feeling it minister for the first time.
If you get your Bible out and look these verses up, I pray they minister to you as well: Ephesians 1:3-14, 19-23, chapter 6:11-13, and then Colossians chapter one! (Oh, melt my heart, Lord! TPT was speaking loud and clear!) Colossians chapter 2:8-11, and 3:16-17. Powerful, powerful truth unfolds and breaks apart the lies that can entangle our minds and we may be totally unaware. The reminder still rings in my ear that the knowledge of these things are not enough; it is taking hold of them and believing every single word, and practicing them. Quite often, my friend says, “You either believe it ALL, or you don’t, right?”
The following day I read Jeremiah chapter one. Realizing that I had only read it from the NKJV for years, I reached over and opened TPT and I melted. Not just because of that particular version, but that mixed with believing and excepting it as my own. It was like a burst if light and power had beamed from heaven all over again. Please read that chapter in that version and see if it enlightens you too.
Remember when I said I snickered about what the pastor said? Remember I laughed about what God said to Jeremiah and what my friend Jan was trying to get across? In the book of Genesis 18:12-15, Sarah laughed too.
Really think about it and pause after you read this last part.
The Holy Spirit pointed out what I had said “Don’t you REALLY THINK that it was just for Jeremiah?” Pause right here because if you know, you know where that question originated from.
And
Not “If”, but this time I will say, “since”, God knew Jeremiah BEFORE He formed Him in His mother’s womb, He also knew me (and you), before He formed US. So consider what that made us before we were in our mothers womb?
Oh my, He also had us in mind before we were even born!
“We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience, but we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.”
If you know, you know! All I have left to say is Selah…….
FINDING GOD IN EVERYTHING 